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<title>Love and Destruction by ByTheAngell (SomeLittleInfamy)</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28983501">Love and Destruction</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/SomeLittleInfamy/pseuds/ByTheAngell'>ByTheAngell (SomeLittleInfamy)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Shadowhunters Re-Watch Fics! Codas, Scene Fills, etc. [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Shadowhunters (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst and Feels, Episode: s01e04 Raising Hell, Gen, Jace Wayland Feels, Love, POV Jace Wayland, Parabatai Bond</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 09:09:31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>671</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28983501</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/SomeLittleInfamy/pseuds/ByTheAngell</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Jace is surprised to see he's the person Alec loves most, but the joy he feels is short-lived as Alec immediately denies that could ever be true.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Alec Lightwood &amp; Jace Wayland</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Shadowhunters Re-Watch Fics! Codas, Scene Fills, etc. [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2108703</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>28</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Love and Destruction</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>A memory of the person you love the most. Izzy is the first to go, relinquishing a memory of Alec without hesitation. Clary follows with one of her mother.</p><p>Jace doesn’t have to think too hard about who his memory will be of when it comes around to him. He only feels the slightest bit of guilt over the fact that it isn’t going to be his father, or Maryse or Robert for taking him in and raising him, or Izzy for always being there to cause a little good-natured chaos with him. He loves them all, but he doesn’t love them the <em>most</em>.</p><p>It’s going to be Alec.</p><p>Of course, it’s going to be Alec, who else could it be? They’re parabatai, and there’s no one Jace cares about more, no one else who has his back no matter what, who he can trust with his life without a second thought.</p><p>Except, despite his own immediate certainty that Alec is the person he loves the most, he doesn’t expect to be Alec’s - and Jace can’t keep a look of utter disbelief from crossing his features as he glances across at Alec from their positions in the circle.</p><p>Alec has his parents, he has Izzy, he has Max - all people Jace fully expects Alec to put before him, even as Parabatai. At the very least, people he expects Alec to <em>love</em> more than him, bond or not.</p><p>But the image the demon takes, the memory, is one of Jace. Alec loves <em>him</em> the most, and for a moment after the revelation processes Jace feels a sense of worthiness that catches him equally off-guard because he hadn’t realized he was missing that before. All the years he spent trying to be enough, trying to be worth taking in, worth caring about, worth tying yourself to… he hadn’t failed. Alec thought he was worth loving and worth loving more than anyone else.</p><p>As soon as the pride of that hits him, it all comes crashing down just as fast. Alec’s features shift almost instantaneously, head shaking as he shouts that it isn’t real, denying any chance that Jace could actually hold that role in his heart. Jace feels the bolt of panic through their bond, not that he needs it when the same dismay is written all over Alec’s face for everyone to see.</p><p>Alec doesn’t love Jace the most, he <em>couldn’t</em>, it isn’t true. And that… well, that’s what Jace believed all along, but that doesn’t make it any easier to hear. It hurts to feel that moment of hope be torn away so violently and replaced once more with a feeling of worthlessness, this time confirmed by Alec’s own insistence.</p><p><em>To love is to destroy</em>.</p><p>The words Jace carries like a cursed mantra through his life ring back true time and time again, solidifying their place in his mind and heart and soul. They’re true again here, as Alec breaks the circle and Jace watches the destruction he’s come to associate with any love ever associated with him.</p><p>They’re here because of Jace: because of Alec’s trust in him, because of their parabatai bond, Alec agreed to come here and help him help Clary against all of his better judgment and personal beliefs. Alec put himself on the line for Jace time and time again since Clary showed up, and now it’s time for Jace to make sure Alec doesn’t risk more than he already has.</p><p>
  <em>To be loved is to be the one destroyed. </em>
</p><p>There's no time to dwell on emotions. Jace doesn’t hesitate to put himself between Alec and the demon once he sees what Alec is about to do. He has no regrets as the demon pulls at him, not while he can see Alec safely out of reach. If there’s a price to be paid for the ritual going wrong then Jace is going to be the one to pay it.</p><p>His father may have been right, but some people - some <em>love</em> - is worth being destroyed for.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>(Find me on  <a href="http://bytheangell.tumblr.com">Tumblr</a> and also on <a href="http://www.twitter.com/By_The_Angell">Twitter</a>! &lt;3 )</p></blockquote></div></div>
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